State Rep. Frank Artiles wants to kill a Florida black bear

State Rep. Frank Artiles wants to kill a Florida black bear
  • Sumo

He’s a Marine. A state legislator. A husband and blackbear2father and a public adjuster.

And now, State Rep. Frank Artiles (R-Country Walk) wants to be a bear killer.

Among the nearly 2,000 permits pulled for the two-day Florida bear hunt being allowed for the first time in more than 20 years this October, is one to Frank Anthony Artiles in Miami-Dade.

Not only does Artiles want to kill a bear. He can’t wait, getting the permit on the very first day he could.

Artiles did not return several attempts to reach him through his office and his social media for a few days and while Ladra is not against all hunting per se (okay, actually, I am), this particular controversial two-day season for sport hunting Florida black bears, a previously protected species, because there is a perceived overpopulation that has not really been studied is not something I support nor is it something I think our elected leaders should participate in.

Maybe he’s bored. Artiles — who some may argue looks a little like a bear himself — sadartilescan’t get much done in Tallahassee. Well, unless you count punching a college kid out in a local bar. Six of the eight bills he sponsored last session died in committee. In 2013, every bill he sponsored died or was laid on the table.

He failed to get any traction last session on his homophobic bathroom bill that would have barred transgenders from using public restrooms. He has failed to pass any substantive legislation.  And he hasn’t been able to beat Commissioner Juan Zapata no matter who he puts up against him.

Plus, his pals call him Magilla Gorilla. Or “Socks,” because Ladra once caught him in his shorts and socks living outside his district.blackbear

Read related story: Artiles lives outside district

Artiles needs something to vent his frustrations.

So, in the interest of the Florida black bears (and maybe college students), Ladra wants to make some suggestions to our state rep that maybe he can use his time in a more productive way. Need a hobby? Why not try one of these:

  • Walk. Like you do around the Farm Share giveaways at a community centers or something, as if you had something to do with the food and vegetables being given to low-income families.
  • Take more selfies with backpacks that you neither paid for not bought with someone else’s money but were rather given to you for photo opps with kids whose families are too poor to afford one.
  • Binge watch some TV shows. I suggest catching up on “I Am Cait”  and “Transparent.” You want blood and violence? Try “The Walking Dead.”Frank Artiles
  • Read. “Understanding Gender Dysphoria” or “Trangender 101” are available for $9.99 and $16.99 on May I also recommend  “Healing the Angry Brain” by Drs. Raymond Tafrate and Howard Kassinove or even “Reaching your Highest Potential in 8 Steps” (they’re numbered so it’s easy). You could learn about the creature you want to kill in “The Threatened Florida Black Bear,” by Margaret Clark. Or maybe “Precious Bones,” about a ten-year-old whose playground is the Florida swamp, is more your speed.
  • Take a class. Anger management might be a good option. Or Ancient Sexualities and Modern Sexual Politics, which they are offering this semester at Florida State University. Or any class at the Center for Women’s and Gender Studies at Florida International University.
  • Volunteer. But don’t wear your state rep t-shirt. And don’t brag about it on twitter and Facebook. Give quietly. And maybe PETA or the Humane Society could be beneficial.
  • Go to the gym. Some fitness facilities even have those punching bags so you don’t have to take your frustrations out on some poor college kid — or an unsuspecting bear who thinks he’s having a private moment in the woods.

Certainly, Ladra is forgetting some good suggestions, so please feel free to enter yours here in the comments. Keep it clean.

Maybe we can save a bear.

11 Responses to "State Rep. Frank Artiles wants to kill a Florida black bear"

  1. Stephen Cody   September 8, 2015 at 9:38 am

    I’d see about getting him a part-time job at Build-A-Bear Workshop. That way, he could be around all kinds of bears and help create them rather then destroy. And he’d make a lot of little kids very happy. Not too many kids would cheer as they saw him standing over a dead bear’s carcass. Or maybe we should take up a collection for some aggression therapy. Or aggression therapy using Build-A-Bear bears.

  2. Kendall resident   September 8, 2015 at 9:39 am

    Zapata is the weasel.

  3. Marc cooper   September 8, 2015 at 9:46 am

    he’s an animal, his thinking is simplistic

  4. Carol Garvin   September 8, 2015 at 12:47 pm

    Please don’t insult the animal kingdom by referring to him as a weasel or animal. Tell it like it is. He’s an ignorant barbarian and a bully. And his thinking is not simplistic. It’s controlling and dangerous. This is NOT the type of person you want representing you or making changes in laws that effect you and your children’s quality of life, wildlife on this planet or the future of both.

  5. S.Miro   September 8, 2015 at 3:59 pm

    This article all it is missing is the disclosure ” Paid for and approved by Juan Zapata”.

  6. Jo Manning   September 9, 2015 at 7:40 am

    There’s a dentist in Minneapolis — the loser who killed Cecil the lion — whom I am sure he’d get on with like gangbusters. I don’t get the mentality of these people. Something missing here, something that makes one humane 🙁

  7. Mark Sternoff   September 9, 2015 at 10:54 am

    This article has the making of a Zapata political hit. I imagine Zapata is still upset about the public disclosure of his $30k theft. I do not know Frank Artiles or his motivations for wanting to hunt a black bear- something I would not. I have to disagree with the facts discussed in the article.
    The State of Florida has issued bear hunting permits because black bears have become very successful in the central and north part of our state and the area cannot support that number of bears without the occasional mauling or death of a citizen. Any disagreement with those permits should be directed to the State of Florida and not an american who chooses to legally hunt an animal- something most don’t agree with but must be willing to accept if we are to protect our individual liberties. In this politically correct world we tend to overstep the rights o other citizens by imposing our moral views. If you don’t like bear hunting contact your legislators and change it. It beats disparaging an individual for simply following the law and engaging in hunting, something alien to most but inherent to every American.

    • Ladra   September 10, 2015 at 12:23 am

      Yes and no.

      The 3-2 vote by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Committee was a bit too swift for some and has been very controversial because some of us believe it was made hastily when there are other options.

      You are right about this being spurred on by bears entering residential neighborhoods in the Orlando Kissimmee area. But some of that can be curbed with lighting, special garbage bins that are bear proof, and strategic relocation to areas in the state where the numbers are lower.

      Perhaps they are also looking for food because the fish in some of the waterways are dying due to the toxic runoff from Lake Okeechobee that these same legislators refused to fix, despite a mandate from the people.

      The hicks in Kissimmee also have to stop leaving the bags of dog food outside.

      See? There are a lot of things we can do first, before we start popping them off.

      Love, Ladra

  8. Mangito Vagito   September 9, 2015 at 5:04 pm

    At least he ain’t planning on stealing 30k to go buy guns and ammo like Mr Weasel Zapata did to county tax payers. Mr Artiles is not the sole person that passed this hunting license campaign, I am sure Rep Artiles will no be attending and will cut that license up in support of such preservation to our wildlife.

  9. Gail Stern   September 11, 2015 at 9:41 am

    It’s a week long hunt, not a 2 day hunt, with no controls in place and morally reprehensible. Floridas good ol boy network at its worst! Disgraceful.

  10. Pingback: Frank Artiles must join other disgraced legislators and resign | Political Cortadito

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