Mayor Carlos Hernandez: I’d ‘love’ to fight Raul Martinez

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The federal undercover operation that netted two local mayors and two lobbyists planning elaborate and illegal kick-backs in one day didn’t just throw a wrench into their plans to steal hundreds of thousands, even millions, from the federal government.

It also canceled the highly-publicized charity benefit “mixed martial arts” match next month between former and implicated Miami Lakes Mayor Michael “Muscles” Pizzi and Hialeah Mayor Carlos “Castro” Hernandez.

Now, needy children who would have benefited from this match will have to pay for Pizzi’s mistakes since the fight was cancelled after the mayor was suspended Tuesday after he was arrested on federal charges of bribery and extortion at the end of a two year investigation involving several meetings with undercover FBI agents posing as Chicago-based government grifters, resolutions passed in exchange for campaign contributions and a taped conversation where $3,000 is exchanged in a closet at City Hall.

One blessing for Pizzi is that the investigation started in 2011. That way nobody can accuse him of getting caught on purpose to get out of the fight with “The Rock” Hernandez, who got that nickname when he was a police officer who either (A) worked out for four hours daily or (B) injected steroids or (C) Did one too many stupid things. “Muscles” — who got that nickname from Ladra, not because he has any but because he tried to be a bodyguard once for gypsy conartist Vanessa Brito during the recall of former Miami-Dade Commissioner Natacha Seijas — might talk like Mike Tyson and walk like Mike Tyson, but he seems slower than “Castro,” which is what Ladra calls Hernandez for obvious reasons.

Just sayin’ that Hernandez probably had better odds.

And he said Wednesday on The Roman Show, a mixed martial arts internet radio show, that he was very disappointed that he had to cancel the “Mayhem at Milander” headliner.

Host Rodolfo Roman asked him if there weren’t others, maybe other politicians, he’d like to call out, you know, so the benefit wouldn’t have to be cancelled, and Hernandez immediately thought of his nemesis: former Hialeah Mayor Raul Martinez.

“There’s a few people I’d love to call out,” Hernandez said, calling in about 80 minutes into the show. “The ex-mayor of Hialeah, Raul Martinez, has a big mouth.”

Ladra can’t help but wonder if that jab is about all the public records that Martinez has been requesting and all the wrongdoing he is accusing Hernandez of.

“Call him. Give him a call and see if he’ll answer the call,” Roman told the mayor.

“I don’t think he wants to go into a ring with me. Let’s put it that way,” Hernandez said, his voice getting heftier.

“I would go in there with really bad intent. I think he knows that. I would definitely try to punish him. Not to put him out quickly, to make sure to punish him three rounds,” the mayor went on and on in what seemed like an increasingly creepy intimacy.

“My relationship with Mr. Martinez is not very friendly,” he ended.

Hernandez — who had earlier said that he had trained seriously for the bout and was very upset that he had to cancel it — changed the subject, but Roman came back to it again.

“Former Hialeah Mayor Mr. Martinez, you heard the call here from the current mayor of Hialeah, he’s calling out. Let’s do this, one on one.”

Hernandez, whose henchman Glenn “The Goon” Rice shouted weight insults at challenging candidate Juan Santana, reached for a fat joke of his own: “Listen, he’ll have to weight on me. He weighs like 400 pounds.”

Well, I had happened to have the same thought — a Raul vs. Castro bout — and mentioned it to Mayor Martinez in the green room at TeleMiami, right before Roberto Rodriguez-Tejera’s show Wednesday. And the mayor snickered. “Mmm, no.” Maybe the 61-39 beating he took from Hernandez at the polls in 2011 gives him pause.

But, really, former Hialeah Mayor Julio Martinez, who is challenging the mayor at the polls this November, is a much worthier opponent in the ring. The Other Martinez actually has a boxing past and would make for a fair fight.

New Interim Mayor Cesar Mestre — buddies with both Pizzi and Hernandez and also a former police officer in Hialeah — might think he can be a substitute here, also, after quickly taking over in Miami Lakes. But what fun would that be? Two pals pretending to punch each other? No, thanks.

Of course, if just raising money is the aim here, they should call the mayor’s old mentor, former Mayor Julio Robaina, who is facing federal charges of his own stemming from his tax evasion on monies he earned in his illegal loan sharking business. Any tickets that were left would get sold out in a Milander minute.

And, bonus: Robaina can get a little training just in case he ever ends up on the inside.